The author of this essay looks at the book Nincstelenek, as something very special; the author of the book struggles with himself, because he wants to understand why he has been different from everybody else from his childhood. He must re-createhis childhood self to be able to give account about a very deep and severe trauma he could cope with any means. He wants to understand himself at last. He tries to create a distance from his childhood self, and from the world where he felt alienated as a child. Lacking that distance he could not live further. But not even the prime numbers could help him, though there is an exact order among them; and the design of the old house could not help him either. Szilárd Borbély was not able to stop the confusion of his life.